


colors

by Sourii



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, Forgetting, Historical Inaccuracy, Inspired by Music, M/M, Might be a slow burn, Steve has his illnesses, Tags Contain Spoilers, pre-serum steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 17:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18782782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sourii/pseuds/Sourii
Summary: Steve thought he lost Bucky forever.Perhaps he did.Perhalps he didn't.





	colors

I didn't want to believe he was gone.  
I didn't want to believe that the only person I ever loved, hell, I've ever truly known!

Was 

Just wiped off the face of the goddamn Earth.

But alas, when I get mail from the army, I expect a letter from him, the letters he promised me, when I promised I wouldn't try to get only the army. It was an 

Now I wish I let myself enter the damn 

All I wanted was his letter, with his chicken-scratch handwriting that I would always tell him to fix since childhood and his musty 

Instead, all I get is a letter along the lines of ‘Missing in Combat'.

My brain couldn't comprehend this.  
So I told myself

“He's only ‘Missing in Combat’! He's not dead! He can't be dead!”

But the day ends, the week ends, the month ends, the year ends.

The war ends.

Years after the war past by like freight trains.

And I wasn't getting any better.

 

“James Buchanan Barnes, 107th division.”

“One moment sir”

There is a clatter of keys as the desk lady types in these things.

Not bothering up from her keyboard, she asks  
“And what was your relation to this man?”

I wanted to say lover, I wanted to say husband, for we were married in all ways possible except without the papers.  
For in this cursed world, one isn't allowed to love the same sex, but we broke this rule.  
And we didn't give a shit.

“Friends, close like brothers.”

“Mhm, one moment.”

She stands up to go to the back room while I look over the room.  
It has a rustic feel to it, with all the medals and medallions hanging around. Haunting photographs fill up the room, with dead people staring into your soul.  
Most families have already gone to this, mostly during the months following the wars end, but I waited a few extra years so there could be more of a chance of Bucky coming home.  
There was none, so I came here, as my last hope almost.

“I'm sorry, he's gone.”

I've always known that, but it's harder hearing someone say it with little to no sympathy in their voice.

“They could never find the body, even when they infiltrated the camp at the end of the war to rescue all the prisoners, he was the only one missing.”

She paused, as if she was trying to take this in.

“But we did find this.”

The lady slides it across the desk.  
There is a pistol with a clear cover, clearly damaged goods and could never be properly operated ever again.  
But that wasn't important.  
What was important was the photo underneath.  
It was the photo of me, clipped from a class photo years ago when I was attending art school.

Bucky had taken every second of his time, investing every minute, just so I could go to it for a year. Working at the docks, modeling for random art studios, graveyard shifts, you name it, he did it.

When I asked him about this, he just responded with a simple  
“Cause I love you punk.”  
And that was enough to shut me up.

 

Smiling, I move my eyes over to the dog tag, pick it up and caressed it in my palm.  
The tag was so damaged, so badly I couldn't read a single thing on there, but it was enough, knowing I had a small piece of him still with me that I could carry with me everywhere.

“Looking over the records, it seems like you are the only living person in relation with James, so you'll be allowed to take these items home.”

Oh yes, how could I forget?  
A couple years ago, all of Bucky’s family was gone.  
Assassinated.  
No one knows why and the case ended up closing with no idea who the culprit could be.

Ever since that fateful day, I’ve been all alone.

“Thank you”

I glance over at the lady who is showing me all of this.  
“Agent Carter”  
Her name tag says.  
I bet she's never experienced someone being ripped away from her, has she?

I slip the photo out of the clear case, place the dog tag in my pocket, leave and don't turn back.

 

I enter my apartment, or what used to be our apartment.  
It's old and small, with only a kitchen, a couch, a bathroom and a bedroom with only one bed.  
The entire apartment is falling apart, most of the complex has moved out but I refused to.  
I'm gonna die soon enough with no one here for me, so what's the point?  
I would rather die surrounded by all the things he's sat and used and slept on then around unfamiliar things.

The place was depressing, no doubt. The pipes in the kitchen were leaking, the floorboards are creaking and are pretty much broken. There used to be photos scattered around the house and framed with pieces of old wood Bucky would find when he worked down at the docks.  
The pictures now reside in a drawer of a table, long forgotten, as if I lay my eyes upon those photographs all the pain will  
come rushing back in waves and I’ll drown in them.  
Also hiding in that drawer are drawings upon drawings of Bucky, all by me. Drawings of him asleep, drawings of him awake, drawings of him drunk on alcohol, drawings of him gazing lovingly at something, drawings of him sweating his skin out on a summer’s evening.

It’s all him.

Him.

Him.

Him.

My mind snaps back to reality when I hear something at the door, not knocking or anything like that, but just a feeling that someone or something is there.  
A bit nervous, I go to open the door.

My eyes connect with his grey ones and my world goes cold,

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing an actual chapter fic and there is no editor, just me, so please excuse all the mistakes.
> 
> I tried to stick to as much canon/actual history as I could, but I apologize for historical inaccuracies.


End file.
